The Power of "Yes"
Tuesday, May 1, 2012 at 2:42PM Moving from adversary to advocate
You can tell how much authority a person has by what they can say "yes" to. The server at your favorite restaurant can bring you an extra serving of broccoli on the house, but the manager can comp your entire meal. The airline ticket counter can let you check an extra bag free of charge, but the captain can hold the plane at the gate. This post is about the power of yes and the fallacy of the power to say "no."
The Power to Say "No"
Every day you run into someone just itching to say "no" to you, from fast food drive through attendants, to corporate gate keepers, to the bank teller having a bad day. "No" is a power trip taken by the frustrated, peeved, and short tempered. It is a favorite word of people at the short end of their own proverbial stick. But the power of "no" is a fallacy.
Everyone can say "no." You need no special powers, no training, no desire to do anything other than utter a single syllable. If the unwashed masses can all say it, and they can do it regularly with little consequence, the two letter word may not indicate so much power as we think. The truth is, "no" is selfish word. One of the great time management tactics available to the overbooked, over committed and over worked is the magic of "no." If you have no time for yourself you probably need to say "no" more often.
But this doesn't describe most people. Most people have no problem putting themselves at the head of the line. If you doubt this just visit a toy store the weekend before Christmas. When someone finds themselves in the position to say "no" they also are in a great position to get what they want. And what do most people want? Sameness. Change is scary. Tasks I've never done before, suck. Taking risks is for younger people. Me? I want more of the same. And "no" is just the ticket.
"No" is the great perpetuator of the status quo. It is the hobgoblin of innovation. It is the sour puss at the birthday party. "No" is the easy way to say "not today, not ever." And it happens every day. It happens so often that people who say "yes" stand out as heroes, while the masses that say "no" exact a high price for their ability to be keep the upper hand.
The Cost of No
In most business interactions there is an audience of exactly two people, yourself and the person listening. And this leads us to the reason that hostage negotiators are taught never to say "no" to the bad guys. "No" creates an environment of me vs. you. It is the ultimate polarizer. It is the precursor to a zero sum game. And if one person must win and one person must lose that innocuous little word sets the stage for epic conflict, even in the smallest of affairs.
"No" puts your customers on the other side of the table. They have no choice but to treat you as the adversary. Once the lines have been drawn and you have placed yourself on the other side of the table it is game on. But it doesn't stop there. "No" permeates a culture rapidly. Soon employees are refusing help to one another, bosses are denying simple requests and no one feels any obligation to do anything but look out for themselves.
"No" allows your employees to vent their personal frustrations at the office. When customers become passive aggressive punching bags problems start surfacing everywhere. Think that new prospect is going to get an answer on the proposal at 5:01 on a Friday? Nope. Hoping that your longest and best customer gets a little extra attention on a service call? Think again. "No" will infect every aspect of a business, from record keeping to employee evaluations. No one is safe once you have let "no" enjoy free reign for a few weeks.
The Power to Say "Yes"
If you buy into all this talk about "no" you might also be thinking about a rousing staff meeting speech encouraging everyone to say "yes" more often. But it's not that easy. A culture of "yes" has to be deliberately nurtured if it is going to make any difference in operations. The power to say "yes" has to be built on a solid foundation.
- Team members must be granted the authority to say "yes," and it must be a formal acknowledgement from leadership.
- For it to mean something that authority cannot be given indiscriminately. It must be earned.
- The effect of "yes" must be demonstrated by leadership.
I will say a little about each of these points.
Formal granting of authority
There is a lot to be said for rites of passage. These are distinct points in time that separate one phase of life from another. The first time my dad let me mow the yard by myself was a rite of passage. My first sleep-away summer camp was a rite of passage. When my parents gave me the car keys for the first time it was a rite of passage. To be truly memorable and meaningful these events need to be formally acknowledged. It is one thing to grab the keys as your parents tell you to be careful and get home by 11. It is something else entirely for them to ceremoniously dangle the car key over your outstretched palm between thumb and forefinger while they look into your eyes and say "It all changes from here; we can't watch you anymore; we have to trust that you are going to look after yourself and those in your care." The power to say "yes" needs to be handed over like something sacred.
Too often we assume that team members know they should say "yes" to satisfy customers. But who would you rather have at the cash register? The person you assume knows what to do or the person who treats their responsibility like it has been handed down on stone tablets? Don't underestimate the power of granting your team explicit authority. Treat the power to say "yes" like something special and meant only for the trustworthy. If you do you will find that it is used with care and diligence. Treat it like yesterday's newspaper and you will see your team members do the same.
It must be earned
There is a parable in Matthew that says
"Whoever has will be given more, and he will have an abundance. Whoever does not have, even what he has will be taken from him."
To some this seems unfair, but to your customers it seems just. Your customers do not want the newest employee to have the unbridled authority to solve their problem. They want the manager or the senior person on the floor to be able to come to their rescue. Be careful about granting the authority to say "yes" to someone who has not earned it.
While "yes" has the power to delight it also has the ability to make things much worse. If a customer returns a broken product that has been recalled, and demands a replacement the employee without the wisdom to say "no" can create huge potential liability by granting the customer's demand. In service situations employees who indiscriminately reinforce bad customer habits circumvent processes. Left unchecked they will eventually undermine the company's work with customers who adhere to those same processes.
It must be demonstrated by leadership
Your team members need to experience what it feels like on the other side of the table when someone hears "yes." They need to hear you say it and experience the emotions that go along. This does not mean that you become a push over. It means that you listen a lot more. It means that you encourage conversations. It means that you look for opportunities to say "yes." Leaders are so accustomed to saying "no" that the habit of looking for chances to say "yes" is hard.
And when you say "yes" you have to make sure that you follow through and deliver. The only thing worse than a manager who says "no" all the time is one that says "yes" all the time. Employees are not stupid. They understand that not every request can be granted. Resources are limited; other people have to be considered; these are the rules of life. When you try to temporarily suspend reality by granting every request your employees will know you are full of it. What follows is an arbitrary granting of some requests and an arbitrary languishing of others.
You need to demonstrate a series of wins with your team where "yes" has been heard and "yes" has been seen. If you skip this step you will find that you have built a great group of people pleasers that cannot execute.
The Effect of "Yes"
Imagine a business where your team members start telling customers "yes...we can find a way to fix your problem," "yes...we can get that done today," "yes...I'd be happy to look into that." The most noticeable effect of the power of "yes" is that it creates a culture of delight. Saying "yes" is a selfless act, and those who use it to help others enjoy the feeling the accompanies the giving of a gift.
But a culture of "yes" also allows people to find fulfillment through work. To say "yes" a lot you have to love what you are saying "yes" to. You don't have to love anything about your work to say "no." Not surprisingly many of the people so proficient at saying "no" are miserable. When it becomes the cultural norm to say "yes" miserable people do not last very long. They either self weed or are culled from the herd by their peers. Those who are left see themselves playing a much larger role than delivering widgets or answering customer inquiries. They believe the world is a better place because of their role in it.
But your customers are not the only beneficiaries. The same way a culture of "no" bleeds over into employee interactions a culture where team mates respond with "yes" begins to enrich communications and employee effectiveness. Knowing that your co-worker will stop and help you drives many employees to look for the answer themselves a little longer lest they take advantage of someone they respect. It also encourages people to be a little more vulnerable around each other in asking for help. This process builds a more cohesive team with real relationships, not just 9-5 proximity to one another.
Finally, the culture of "yes" makes the win-win outcome the standard measure of the organization. People are no longer satisfied with the zero sum game whether it's played with fellow employees, customers, vendors or the boss.
Back to the Real World
I know it is not all rainbows and unicorns. Sometimes you need to say "no." There are plenty of good reasons to decline requests, demands and passive aggressive suggestions. But those reasons are elaborated over and over again in time management pieces and personal empowerment articles. I don't think I need to get into that. I want to take the other road, the one too often ignored. It is not the same as the idea that "the customer is always right." The decision to say "yes" is about the proper exercise of power. "No" may afford you the opportunity to put someone in the place you think they belong, but "yes" gives you the ability to put them in the place they aspire to. When it comes to role models I will take Mother Teresa over the disgruntled toll booth operator every day of the week.
Reader Comments (3)
+ Sometimes a prayerful well considered yes is the right option even if it is not always the easiest option. Mother Teresa of Calcutta is an awesome example. As your article states there are often legitimate reasons to say no and these must also be respected.
-Mike M. http://www.murraycavanaugh.com/keypersonnel.php
I like very mush information about saying "no" - I think very often it's very difficult to give negative response.
Los Angeles, California: The accountancy firm of Jennings, Steine & Co. has been rocked in recent times by the death of their matriarch, Deirdre Steine. And now, a lawsuit filed by an ex-employee citing flagrant violations of the Employee Handbook and state and federal Blue Sky laws, forgery and tampering with federal tax documents was filed today. The complaint filed downtown alleges that partner, Pam Jennings was carrying on a blatant inappropriate relationship with a yet un-named married subordinate in plain-view of plaintiff and other staff, including her father who serves as a partner in the firm. Following the news of Dierdre Steine's death, several of Jennings, Steine & Co.'s restaurant clientele have fled citing poor management having been mislead by assertions of Steine's continuous work on their matters. Plaintiff is claiming wrongful termination in violation of public policy; retaliation and negligent supervision of an employee. The complaint is detailed and recites that employee, Michelle Silverstein created a hostile work environment by continuously creating an abusive environment ocassioned by disruptive behavior and poor language. To Jennings, Steine & Co.'s credit, they did appear to attempt to quash the disruptive behavior by hiring a human relations specialist, but the effort fell short and Jennings, Steine & Co. continued to allow the violations of their own published Employee Handbook. The firm could not be reached for comment.